Your Spirit Is Ugly, But It Taught Me How Beautiful Mine Is
There is a difficult truth that most people do not want to say out loud. Not every spirit is kind, not every heart is open, and not every person you meet is meant to nurture your growth. Some spirits are heavy, stagnant, and hardened by their own unresolved wounds. While that may sound harsh, it is part of the human experience. For a long time, I believed that everyone had goodness at their core that simply needed the right environment, the right love, or the right support to emerge. I believed that if I showed enough compassion, enough patience, enough understanding, people would rise to meet that energy. Sometimes that is true. But sometimes, it is not. Some people are committed to their pain. They are committed to their resentment, their fear, their bitterness, or their cycles. Not because they are evil, but because those patterns have become familiar and familiarity, even when it is miserable, can feel safer than growth. When you encounter someone whose spirit feels heavy or destructive, the first instinct is often to internalize it. You ask yourself what you did wrong. You wonder if you could have loved them better, helped them more, or explained yourself more clearly. You start shrinking parts of yourself to make the situation easier, smoother, quieter. Saturn has a way of stripping those illusions away. There comes a moment when you realize that someone else’s darkness is not a reflection of your worth. It is a reflection of their own inner world. Sometimes, the presence of that darkness serves a sacred purpose because contrast is one of the greatest teachers. You do not truly understand light until you have seen darkness. You do not fully appreciate peace until you have known chaos and you do not recognize the beauty of your own spirit until you have encountered one that refuses to grow.
It is not about judgment. It is about awareness.
Some people enter your life to love you, support you, and walk beside you. Others enter your life to show you what stagnation looks like, what resentment feels like, and what happens when someone refuses to evolve. Their presence becomes a mirror, not of who you are, but of who you refuse to become and in that realization, something powerful happens. You begin to see your own spirit more clearly. You see your resilience, your willingness to grow, your capacity for compassion, your discipline, and your courage to face uncomfortable truths. You realize that while others chose stagnation, you chose movement. While others clung to bitterness, you chose accountability. While others stayed in the same cycle, you stepped forward.
Their ugliness did not define you. It revealed you.
It showed you the strength you didn’t know you had. It showed you the depth of your patience, the clarity of your vision, and the purity of your intentions. It forced you to confront your own boundaries, your own patterns, and your own worth. In that sense, even the ugliest spirits have an important place in this world. They remind you that not everyone is meant to walk beside you, not everyone is meant to understand you, and not everyone is meant to grow with you. But they also remind you of something far more important: you are not them. Your spirit is not stagnant. Your heart is not hardened. Your path is not built on resentment. Sometimes, it takes standing next to darkness to realize just how much light you carry.
If our connection didn’t make it through my Saturn return, just know this: your spirit was ugly, but it was the most important mirror in showing me how extraordinary I really am. So, thank you.